In the spirit of starting this blog off with total honesty, I’ve been meaning to start something like this for awhile. Like… At least a year.
I wish I could say there were lots of super valid reasons it hasn’t happened yet – like I was traveling around the world trying to cure cancer and eradicate poverty or something and just didn’t have time for a blog. But that’s not true. I’ve had plenty of time.
The reason I haven’t started a blog is fear. The superficial fear is that no one will read it, but at the end of the day I don’t think that actually matters too much; even if no one reads it, it will still be valuable to me.
The real reason I haven’t started blogging is because of a deep down, poisonous fear that I have nothing valuable to say – and therefore, nothing valuable to write. My fear tells me that I will look inward to draw inspiration for a blog, and there will be nothing there; my fear tells me I am empty, totally devoid of creativity.
My fear tells me that it’s easier to just not try at all, so that I don’t have to face that emptiness.
Fear, Shame, and Fitness
You might be wondering why I’m starting off a blog that’s supposed to be about fitness, nutrition, and wellness by talking about fear. Well, there are a few reasons:
- I’m making this up as I go, and there’s not really any rhyme or reason to what I’m doing right now! And (the real reason):
- My fear of being inadequate has held me back from blogging, but it has also held me back in my fitness and wellness journey.
The dark voice of my fear that has held me back from starting a blog is very similar to the dark voice that used to hold me back in my fitness (and sometimes still does). That voice whispers to me that I am incapable of accomplishing my goals, so I shouldn’t even try. That voice tells me that I am weak and always will be. It tells me I should be ashamed of my body and all that it cannot do.
Maybe in another blog I’ll dive into the long, messy history of my body image issues, but the short version is that I always had a lot of shame around my body – not so much about how it looked, but of what I thought my body wasn’t capable of. I never in a million years thought I would be capable of doing pull ups, running 13 miles, doing CrossFit, or climbing a fourteener in the mountains – and yet in the past year, I’ve accomplished all of those things.
The shame that held me back from even attempting to work out for most of my life was, I think, based in fear. I was afraid that if I tried, I would fail – and I was afraid that failure would break me so badly, I would never really recover. It would be impossible to ever have confidence again.
But I didn’t fail. And now here we are.
I’m Exactly Where I’m Supposed to Be – And So Are You
I got to hear Oprah speak the other day (and geez, she had so much wisdom to drop I could write a whole separate blog called “Things I Learned from Oprah”), but one of the MANY beautiful things she said that stuck with me was, “No matter where you are in your wellness journey, right now, you are exactly where you are meant to be.”
You might feel like you’re far away from health and wellness right now. So often, I think we are prone to view our present selves with shame, and look to our future selves with longing – “Maybe someday,” we tell ourselves, “I could be so much better than what I am today.”
When we fixate on our shame, it’s impossible to honor where we are at in the present – in other words, it’s impossible to see that we are exactly where we are meant to be on our wellness journey. Shame prevents us from moving forward on the journey. Shame makes us feel like we don’t even deserve wellness.
But wellness belongs to all of us. Health belongs to all of us. Fitness belongs to all of us – ALL OF US. Including and especially you.
Why do I want to write this blog? I hope that by exploring my own wellness journey and sharing what I learn along the way, I can help you truly believe, from the top of your head down to the tips of your toes, that you deserve to feel nourished, healthy, and powerful in your body – whatever that might look like to you. I want you to believe that if someone like me can do it, you can do it too. And I promise you that no matter where you are in your wellness journey right now, you are worthy of feeling strong, healthy, and happy.
In a nutshell, you are exactly where you are supposed to be. And so am I.
The Dirty Deets (AKA, What I’m Actually Going to Write About)
Over the next eight weeks, I’m going to embark on a fitness and wellness challenge, and I’m going to track how that’s going (among other things) with this blog. Here’s what I’ll be trying to achieve:
- Eating a whole foods, plant-based diet – meaning no processed foods, no added oil, and obviously no animal products (if you have questions about this, like “what does that actually mean?” and “but like… why tho?” fear not: I shall address this in an entire blog post devoted to just that!)
- Avoiding alcohol.
- Working out 5x a week. This will be primarily weight lifting, but I’ll also be doing a mix of low-intensity steady state (LISS) cardio and high-intensity interval training (HIIT) cardio 2-3x a week.
- Meditating at least 5 minutes every day.
- Posting something on this blog at LEAST once a week.
Along with updating you on how the challenge is going, I also want to write about general fitness, nutrition, and wellness topics – like how to find motivation to work out, cutting through the noise of contradictory information on nutrition, eating for fitness as well as long-term health, and mental health topics that can come up regarding fitness and body image (plenty of personal experience to draw from on that topic!). If there’s anything you’d like to see me write about, please let me know! I’m excited to dive into some new topics and am happy to do the research so you don’t have to!
I think that’s all there is for now. Thanks for taking the time to read this; in a world that feels increasingly dangerous, stressful, and upsetting, I hope that this blog will help me maintain my own mental health and well-being, and I certainly hope it might help you as well. I’ll leave you with a quote from Marianne Williamson (yes, that Marianne Williamson, the one who was running for president) that I think nicely speaks to the issue of fear:
“Our deepest fear is not that we are inadequate. Our deepest fear is that we are powerful beyond measure. It is our light, not our darkness that most frightens us. We ask ourselves, ‘Who am I to be brilliant, gorgeous, talented, fabulous?’ Actually, who are you not to be?”
I hope that today, and all days, you can embrace the light. And remember that you are powerful beyond measure – brilliant, gorgeous, talented, and fabulous. Thank you for reading; I’m so excited to start this blogging adventure!